When Grandma Goes To Court
Lawyers
should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared
for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brain s to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
Drinking with a Redneck Girl
A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same
bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls
out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't
need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the
air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the
Arab World, we
have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the
same one twice either.'
The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one
gulp, throws
the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and
the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a
refill, she says,
'In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to
drink with the same ones twice.'
'God Bless America '